January 12, 2005

Happy New Year everyone. I love telling people "Happy New Year" in the middle of the month, knowing full well their New Year got screwed up on the 3rd. You know when the whole happy new year thing is over when you tell someone happy new year and get mad at them because they seem to be having a better year than you already. New Years are tough for me. I'm afraid of making plans because every year, without fail, something completely screws up the plans. Every single year I can remember, I was going to do something fun, something got all messed up and I ended up having a pissy new year. Well, I've finally figured out how to fix it...from now on, I'm celebrating the chinese new year.

The chinese new year is such a better choice. Aside from all the logistics of the chinese zodiac (the fact that it's more accurate, etc.), it has many other interesting benefits. First of all, it starts way later. Last year it was Jan. 22nd, this year it's Feb. 9th. You know what that means? You've got plenty of extra time to figure out where you went wrong with your new year and fix it. Second, chinese years have names and mascots. 2005 is the year of the rooster and is named Yiyou. If you had to name an American New Year, it'd probably include some pop cultire reference that can probably be overdone to death by one VH-1 yearly retrospective. "This year is the year of the loose tit and it's name is Rick James, bitch!" You know they'd doit, and they would suck for doing it, too. Here's one big benefit: no stupid fanfare. No dumb songs, no ball dropping, no stupid hats or glasses. You know what year it technically is in the chinese zodiac? 4702. The guy who makes glasses for new years in the states is raking it in- having 10 years worth of perfect eye holes from 2000-2009. Could you imagine some idiot making 4702 glasses? An entire nation of people with obstructed vision. No thanks. You know what they have instead?Fireworks. Pounds...and pounds...of fireworks. You remember how badass the firewroks were on the 4th of July that had the chinese writing on them? Well guess what- they all have chinese writing on them for the new year. Tons of explosives and you don't know what ANY of them do! Exciting! So, dear friends, if you'd like to celebrate the chinese new year with me, let's get together on Feb. 9th, eat some chinese food and set off a bunch of firewroks someplace. Nobody will ever see it coming and it'll be fun as hell. Gung hei fat choy, everyone.

I've been hitting the road a lot more recently. I've been back and forth to NYC for some shows, performing at Gotham Comedy Club, which has been really cool. Be sure to e mail me if you want to go to some of the shows. A lot of the shows there are bringers, which is a true point of reflection in one's life. So now not only can't I get my friends to go to a show, now I'm having a hard time using other peoples' friends to come see my shows. I'm not even popular enough by proxy. That's a depressing day in your life, folks. All that aside, I've been performing there, and will push towards more places this year.

So far I've hit South Street Comedy Club in Jackson, TN. Thus follows the story of my first ticket. Here we go...

I came back to the hotel room bored as ever. While trying to open the door, I was still debating staying over night or leaving right away. When I open the door, I'm greeted by the sounds of From Dusk Til Dawn coming from my TV like an old familiar friend. (It's a dumb movie, but entertaining as hell). So I sit down, watch strippers turn into vampires and finish leftover IHOP pancakes. After the movie is over, I'm suddenly motivated to drive back home. So I get up and quickly start throwing things into my duffel bag like a criminal trying to skip town, get in the car and start my 12 hour trek from TN back to DC. Things were going great until around 6:30, when a cop car turned on it's lights and pulled out in front of me from the left side of the highway. I try to get out of it's way because it looks like it's chasing someone else, but then I realize it's trying to pull me over. I pull over, trying to forget the fact that I'm a black guy that got pulled over in the middle of Tennessee and it's dark. The cop comes to the window and asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" Yes. Yes I do. I was going 78. I know this because I was on cruise control. I set it to 78 because the speed limit was 70, so I'm not even 10 mph over. I figure that will prevent me from getting stopped, because I have NEVER been pulled over. "Nope, you were going 90. Liscence and registration, pusher!" He called me pusher. Now, I don't know whether he was calling me pusher because he thought I was a drug dealer, or because I was "pushing" the speed limit. Either way, since pusher isn't my name, I was even more scared. I won't put you thorugh the anguish of those 10 minutes of waiting...remembering the beginning of every movie that I saw that started just like this, and how it was always bad. But I got my ticket, $169. This put a damper on the entire trip, but I reminded myself that things could be worse. I could have been shot 41 times. Or, even once.

I'm going to contest the ticket. Not just because it's my first one either. Now, at this point, one would play the race card. I'm not going to do that. Why? Because there are so many other cards I can play that are much more effective. The first card: the you're a horrible liar card. I was in cruise control at 78. I did that just so I wouldn't be speeding. I never even go above 85, so I know 90 is a bold faced lie. Card #2: the you're an idiot card. Who stops a person for speeding from the front?' He obviously couldn't get a reading from the front of me. And I love that he had that perfect 90 on the brain, where it's magically mandatory to issue a ticket at 20mph over. You're a moron, thank your parents. Third card: the ignorance card. Calling me "pusher" just screwed you because now it made it seem like you were an asshole ebfor eI got there. There's ntohnig that tops off being an old white ignorant gravy swilling triple chinned tropper like a streak of ignorance. Just for good measure, for the fourth and final card, I'll throw the good old race card in there. Tattered and overused as it may be. Guess what? You're a white trooper that pulled over a black driver in the middle of TN before dawn under false pretenses. You just screwed up. From the minute I got pulled over, I'm thinking, if I make it out of here alove, I'm going to raise hell. As soon as I get back to a city where the sensibilities are more updated than 1962. I'll be back to deal with this whole ticket business. You see the cards I'm using. I've got ace high, jackass...let's see what you've got.

Apparently people have been reading this stupid thing. That's good; I appreciate all your words and support. I've been trying my damndest to keep putting pictures with the updates, so that's why I've been draging ass with the updates. Some good things have come to pass. For example, I have audio now. Occasionally, I'll be switching the audio links around unitl I find some stuff with better quality. I've got someone working on video for me, so in the meantime, I'll try to make the audio/video page all pretty for you.

October 18, 2004

I'm sitting here writing this, not able to breathe through my nose and my head still swimming from Nyquil and Hot Pockets. I think back on how tough this month has been and realize I'm only half way through. I love the little lessons you learn in this profession. I've learned tons of things since I first got on stage. These past few weeks though, I've learned just how far I'd go in the name of comedy.

New York was interesting. One part comedy festival, one part green beret training. You learn what a valuable skills planning and time management are when you go to an expensive city with no money, no lodging, and no plan made to get either one. I was in a small part of the New York Underground Comedy Festival. It was my first festival, so it'll always be memorable for that. The best thing about it was seeing all these other comics I hadn't seen in forever, and meeting some I only knew from online. These people made the trip fun. It was like comedy summer camp. One other cool thing was how the shows were put on. Like the 1:30am sets across town. These are the type of things that I dream of; doing this in the middle of the night. I expected only crackheads to show up, but there are actual late night comedy fans. Sure, there were crackheads there, but it was a mixed audience and that's all you can hope for. We went to one show that was at this place called the Library. I'm thinking, "Cool, this place sounds like a really cool club." We take the A train uptown, and guess what? It's an actual library! That's funny as hell. We were in the basement of this library. No stage, no mic, no nothing. Just a clock and a dry erase board. It was the same room I imagine they do AA meetings or drivers ed courses in. The audience? Either elderly people or little kids. Nothing in between. Why? Because those are the people that go to the library. Now I'm an insomniac, so I'm used to very little sleep. This particular week, however, I slept a total of 6 hours. I spent most of my time on the roam. I'm glad I was in NYC though. If you don't have places to stay, be happy you're in the city. There are places to kill time and there's plenty of motivation. When you see a dude sleeping in a doorway somewhere, you can say, "Well damn, at least its not THAT bad." I think I was willing to do that in the name of comedy. It all seemed worth it to me. Only other comics understand this. Going someplace with no money, no place to stay, and still knowing it'll all work out. That's optomism that only comes from this profession.

A perfect example of lengths gone in the name of comedy came into town this past week. Robert Schimmel, one of the first comics I had ever seen and one of my favorites of all time, came through the DC Improv. Right around the time I started standup, I got word that he had Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and had to undergo chemotherapy for some time. This man kept his sense of humor throughout his trial, ended up fighting his cancer and winning, and 4 years after his diagnosis is leading a cancer free and amazing life. What amazes me is that he's back out on the road, letting people know not just how lucky he is, but how lucky we all are. That is a big feat. He could spend the rest of his days at home and nobody would ever judge or blame him. But tto keep on doing this shows me how much he loves comedy. Thank you very much, Bob. You continue to be both a professional and personal inspiration. Still the best dick joke teller in the business. ;-)

 

 

This past weekend, I participated in the Clarendon Day Festival in Clarendon, VA with some fellow DC comics. One part of me realizes how much of an obvious fiasco this will be. It's outside in the middle of the day, where kids, dogs and funnel cakes will be littering the streets as much as the crappy knick-knacks of elderly street vendors. Comedy is not that much sought after in its own habitat, let alone on a saturday afternoon when you're avoiding folk bands just to get your hands on a hemp earring set and a velvet painting of dogs playing poker. The other part of me realizes how much better a comic this will make me. We get onstage there and people have no idea what the hell to do. I almost felt sorry for these people that were basically being ambushed by a comedy show, until I remembered that my friends and I were doing the ambushing. It went off alright for a while, until dark clouds collected over the stage where comedy dared exist. The storm began right as I touched the microphone. The few people who couldn't get the hint from the earlier clouds scattered through the streets as if I was Godzilla himself. At first I was a bit worried, wonderng if we should still be here, if the show was continuing or are we just cutting our losses. Maybe the heavens never intended for us to be in the middle of a thunderstorm doing standup comedy with a thousand pounds of electrical equippment under us.

 

 

At that moment, I figured if I was to be electrocuted, it would be doing something I loved. So I stayed up there and did my time. I just ranted for the first 5 minutes, screaming into the storm like Lt. Dan on top of a mast in the middle of Forrest Gump. I eventually did some actual written stuff, noticing the laughter of the other comics who also braved the rain for the sport's sake. There were actually a few people that stayed and appreciated the show. It felt good to know just how strong this hold can have on people even on a cold wet Saturday afternoon. At this moment, a slightly doctored version of Shakespeare's Saint Crispin's Day speech from Henry V came to mind...

"...But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,

This day shall gentle his condition;
And comics now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their careers cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Clarendon Day."

Sure that passage was about war, and its a bit pretensious to try and equate the two. But I romanticize things that way, and you read this far, so how much of a dick does that make you? So now I'm sick and weak, knowing that I'm not going to be able to get out of bed for anything that's not in the name of standup. Or Hot Pockets, because they're realy good. I wear this cold proudly, knowing I got it doing what I love, and I know if need be I'd do it again. Stay up, friends.

~Herbie

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I'm starting to fill up the remainer of the year, as well as book for '05, so get me on the list now, before I begin stalking you. If you read this far, you know I'll go pretty far for this, so never underestimate someone with a strong will and nothing else better to do. If you like what you see on here, let me know so I kow someone is actually reading this crap. And e mail me to get on the mailing list.

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September 11, 2004

The fall season has begun and I always love this time of year in the city. This is the time school starts and you get that exciting feeling of newness...it takes your mind off of all the stress and hardship you'll go through by Christmas. Labor Day is a tough day, because of the Labor Day rule. You know....after Labor Day I can't date white until Memorial Day. It sucks, I was going to go to the theater.

I never thought I was going to like DC. I took it for granted by the time I moved to Florida. Whenever someone would look at me with wide eyes and say "You mean you've actually been to the Smithsonian?" I'd just shrug them off. so what- it's right there. I can go any time. Get a map Cletus, there's a whole world outside of Clearwater. Now that I'm older though, and I've become one of the mic-wielding night breed, it's cool again. I'm taking full advantage of the city and all it has to offer. Well, not ALL the things it has to offer. Things are going to well to start smoking crack. Comedy has exploded in DC, so it's kind of a right place right time type of thing. And after a life spent in the right places at the wrong times, I can be happy with the current state of things. I go back and forth to New York and I'm both excited and terrified about the things to come. I'm also apartment hunting there too, which is horrible. I found out it's a lot easier to find a healthy white baby on the black market. So now I just have to find a kid large enough to turn into a 2 story walk-up.

 

 

I'm still traveling and doing shows everywhere else though. The type of shows that remind me why I live in the city. I love it when I go to a room and ask, "What's the town you guys make fun of around here" and the bertender will say "you're in it." Yippee, it's going to be a good night. The past three months have been both the coolest and the wierdest months I've ever had in comedy.It's amazing what a simple drunken punch to the head does for your clarity. (A long story in a series of long stories). I also took a bit of time to visit the deep DEEP south...South America. That was an interesting trip. I don't know whether the mosquitoes there like the taste of new meat, or if they just hate Americans too. Go figure. I did see a money reading a paper though, and no matter where you are, it makes you feel good. Even the monkeys have stopped playing with themselves long enough to enrich their minds. There is hope for this world yet.

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I have a bit of sour news, folks. The famed Lime Skittle is no longer with us. Born in 1995 under its birthname Geo Metro, it gave hope to those who wanted to fill up an entire gas tank with just $5. We learned to call it so many names: The Green Goblin, Yoshi, or as those at China Wok called it, the Jade Death Trap. The Lime Skittle triumphed over adversity at every turn. When I bought it in June of 2002, I had the right CV joint fixed and that's when the left one was broken. The mechanic told me I could drive only about 100 more miles on it before the wheel just fell off. Still, The Lime Skittle wouldn't give up. I drove 11,000 miles on that thing before getting it fixed. We all had our share of good times and bad times. Towards the end of it's life, The Lime Skittle won numerous "Who Has the Worst Car" awards, showing off it's falling headliner, shotty electrical system, and the bungee cords that held on the bumper. In the end, the Skittle succumbed to old age peacefully, or as peaceful as always running hot and billowing smoke could be. I wanted to give it a proper burial at sea...I just hope the place I gave it to will respect my wishes. I'll always love that car because it got me started as a working road comic, something for which I will always be greatful. So those who knew The Skittle, loved it, or just plain heard of it's legend, pour out a little motor oil for my little fallen soldier. So long, dear friend...you will be missed. (But not so long as I have A/C)

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Updating a website is easy. It's incredibly easy. So why haven't I done it in three months? Because it's too easy. I'd like to say it's because I've been busy doing shows, or traveling, or doing something productive with my life. Well, I have been, and the only reason I haven't updated is because it's too easy. I'll do it later, it can wait, blah blah blah. I've actually trying to figure out what changes I want to make here...that's tough. I have no idea what to do. And given the fact that you bastards don't give me any input, I have no direction. So here's the news....

I'm starting a mailing list. If you want to be on it, e mail me and I'll throw you on there. I promise I won't give you spam (unless you're a prick, in which case I'll just forward you all mine). I'm still working on the guestbook. If you've been here before, you're saying, "Hey Herbie, haven't you been working on the guestbook forever?" That's where I say, "shut up, stupid" and smack you around. You want something done, either e mail me and give me a suggestion or make one for me. From what I hear, some of you were actually successful in college and paid attention. I think your web designer job has worked for you enough, share the wealth. I'm also putting up some audio (and hopefully video) in a couple weeks. No, I mean it this time. Everybody, please make sure you contact me and tell me what you'd like to see on here, I'm stuck. Give me your ideas for merchandise too...I've got people begging me to sell stuff, and I'd like it to be legal as possible, so put your thinking caps on and spew out some good marketing ideas. And as always, give me some work. I've got more empty space in my calendar than in Paris & Nicole's heads. Until next time.

~Herbie

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June 7th, 2004

I've been quite the busy person these past few months. The biggest thing so far was finally being able to move out of the glorious South. Nothing against the South, but it was making me physically ill to stay there any longer, so I had to go. That is, at least, the excuse I'll use. I'm sure I'll go back there from time to time- in fact I know I will because I'm a road whore and I'll go where they pay me. Until then, I spent these past few months leaving Piggly Wiggly's and Waffle Houses for Starbucks and 7-Eleven. Just in time to get a Coke Slurpee too. My only problem was planning. Planning takes a lot of time and effort. I had a couple of seconds to plan while I was there, but nothing was quite as effective as boxing up all my crap and running for my life. I guess I just perform better under pressure.

I tried my best to exhaust my time in the south by working, so I went on a frenzy, working pretty much the entire southeast. Some places I killed, and other places I ate it so bad I don't even want to talk about it. One place was a bit scary. In the middle of Georgia with no cell phone reception, I was doing standup in a place that looked like the bar from Roadhouse, except with more deer on the wall. Here's a tip for the kiddies, if you're a black kid watching the NCAA Championship in the middle or rual Georgia, and Georgia Tech is playing, root for Georgia Tech. It doesn't matter if you like Conneticut, because Omeka Okafor isn't going to swing by and save you if the locals turn hostile. Everyone in there had an animal name too. One guy was called "The Gator," one was "The Bear," the other was "The Wolf." I wanted an animal name so I could feel more at home, so they called me "The Coon." I didn't quite get it until the drive home.

On the way up, I got to do the Norfolk Comedy Zone, which was great. Norfolk was a really nice place (at least the part I saw) with really nice people (at least the ones I saw). I've got a buddy from Norfolk who always used to say Norfolk was a tough place. Once I got there, I kind of saw what he meant when I saw the signs that read "Speeding enforced by aircraft." Damn- that's a lot of pressure. I'm scared enough of the police when they're in cars, let alone a trooper in a plane telling me to pull over. Either way, it was a fun weekend and I hope I get to go back there soon. If there is one thing you can say about that town....lots of boats.

 

The coolest thing I did during my trip was taking the fabulous Lime Skittle up to NYC. It's been a while and pretty soon, I'll be making that my home. Nothing lets you know you're in New York better than New Yorkers. As soon as I got out of the Lincoln Tunnel, a taxi cut off a trucker. The trucker then proceeds to exit his truck, chase the taxi down the street, and spit in the cabbie's face through his open window. Welcome to New York. I love this city.

 

There's just something you miss about noise and commotion and crime that can't be explained. There are things I hate about NYC though. For example, meter maids. The street sweepers are very annoying. They've got specific times when you can be there and your street never seems to have the right time. Then they ticket your car for still being on the street. My problem is- they still swept. So why give me the ticket?!?! I drive a Geo....just pick the car up and move it yourself. The second thing is car horns. New Yorkers use car horns as frequently as profanity. You'd be suprised how a misplaced beep can turn a peaceful person into a bat wielding maniac. I guess that old lady shouldn't have beeped at me during baseball season.

 

 

Now I'm in DC again, but nothing feels right. Nothing is like I left it. Too many developmets and all this other crap. I got lost on 495. Twice. That's never happened. It's good because I can be around comedy more, but bad because now I've got more people around who aren't comics trying to be funny. My dog thinks crapping on carpet is hilarious. And if it's liquid, he just won the award for comedian of the year. So I guess what it all boils down to is trading one set of complaints for another. If that's the case, I apologize to all the Waffle Houses, rednecks, mullets, pickup trucks and boring highways I left behind. It's not your fault at all, it's just the nature of things.

 

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There are a couple new pictures up, a couple more dates on the schedule, and that's about it for now. I'm too busy being lazy. I'll be doing some standup in the DC area for a while, so if you're that desperate to catch a show, e mail me and I'll tell you where to go. Oh, if you have a good apartment in NYC that you could rent out to me, I'll see about getting you a free drink. Later.

~Herbie

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February 2nd, 2004

My trip to Birmingham was one of those things that make me remember why I'm in this business. After a week full of pictures and good times, I just thought of my last visit there, how things worked out then, and how much things can change in such a small amount of time. Sure, it's not really that big a deal, and I'm even surer that I'll have better times than this one, but I just think these experiences are just the thing to keep anyone going.

That week helped me see what things, although small in comparison to the things to come, can give you such a great outlook on a future done right in comedy. Meeting the legendary John Pinette didn't hurt either. I've been watching that guy since I was like 8 years old. It's funny to think that in such a short time I was able to work and come in contact with someone on that level. He and all the others I worked with helped show me how to be a better comic and a better person in comedy. Thank you to everyone at the Stardome for making my visit fun. Okay, Full House moment is done with. On to other business...

I also got to do some gun range work while I was there. That was a fun time..and I came back. That's the most important thing. (NOTE: The picture I chose to put up there is not a real arrest. It's the Stardome's own Calvin Osbourne, the man who taught us all how to shoot at pictures from far away.) Marc Ryan, Kristin Key and I had a blast blowing up rednecks, cheating girlfriends and hack comics. We all had a little Mod Squad thing going on. I was Linc.

Next on the agenda was this Last Comic Standing deal in Tampa. Let me just go on record to say that I hate reality television. It's annoying, hackneyed, and completely robs regular television viewers of their own lives. That being said, I went down to the audition to wait in line for hours in hopes of whoring myself out to the popular genre of reality TV. Well, not exactly.

 

 

Though many won't believe me, I had no thoughts of getting on this show. Or even a callback. I'm not counting myself out, it's just that I had a different agenda: the story. I wanted to have a cool memory of doing something with a bunch of comics and having a cool story to tell. I went down to Tampa with Pat Young and met up with Paul Catalina and damn near every comic that helped me out along the way in this game. It was strange, like "This Is Your Life," only with comedians....and a 6 hour long wait in line.

This is the first time I've ever even participated in something like this. I haven't been in this game long at all, especially compared to some of the other faces in this line. Yet in that short time, I felt the need to perform in front of network execs, not sure what to say or what they wanted to hear. And oh yeah, an empty stomach filled with anxiety, boredom, and half a pint of warm strawberry milk didn't realy help matters. Nevertheless, drowsy, fatigued and gassy, I waited for my turn to audition for two guys who, quite possibly, wouldn't remember me if I showed up on the news for stealing their cars. Apparently, gas is funny when you're in elementary school, not when you work for NBC. Perhaps I should try MTV.

 

I won't get too heavy in the details about the competition, but I had a blast and I got my story. I even got to meet some comics I both admire and respect in the process. Andy Hendrickson, Frankie Paul, Landon Lyon, Paul Hooper, Grandma Lee, William Gilmore, Allyn Ball, and tons of other people stood in the same line I was in, making the Tampa Improv an unlikely reunion site. Before I even knew what was going on, I was talking shop with Drew Hastings, Vince Morris and even Jim Norton. What a day, and all this happened before noon.

Good luck to all the people who got the calls back, those going on in the competition, and those who will be back on that line next year. And for all the people in Tampa who didn't like the outcome- quit bitching, we were in Tampa. Be thankful it wasn't Nashville or Chicago. You can still feel your extremeties at will. As for me, on a grey Saturday I got to hang out at what was more of a festival than an audition. I saw all the people that helped me become a comedian, all the people that I went through the trenches with, and all the people I'd see as I continue. I'm going to have tons of weekends like this and it's all part of work. I love my job.

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I've done a few things to spruce up the site. Hope you like them, but if you don't I regret to inform you that your opinion doesn't matter. New pics in the gallery, guestbook and media later on in the month.

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Check my schedule to find out where I'll be. And if I don't have a date that you want to see me up there, then get me booked on your date. You'll solve your own problems by yourself.

Toss me an e mail if I saw you in line or something. Dont' bother if you're concerned about my loans, my stock trades or my penis size. I'll do alright with all three on my own. See you when I see you.

~Herbie

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January 22nd, 2004

So you could say I've been a bit busy. Not only was I bogged down with work, shows, and the minutiae of every day life for four months, at the end of it all I had to go through this graduation thing. Truth be told, I didn't want to go...I figured with as long as I've been in college, the only thing I wanted to do was leave. However, those around me believe that its because I worked for so long that I should go through the ceremony. Apparently, wearing a magic flat cap makes everyone feel better.

The whole experience was really strange. It seemed like some drawn out sequence from a Kubric film, only far less interesting. Maybe it was because I hadn't slept for a week, but I went through the entire thing in a daze. The things I do remember aren't as magical as the flat cap would have me believe. Every teacher who had told me to go through with the ceremony was there, smiling and shaking my hands as if they conceived me themselves. "You're doing the right thing" they kept saying, like I was turning myself in for murder or something. And then there was this girl sitting next to me for the 3 hours (or years) that this thing went on for. The whole time, she was waving to all of her 87 family members that came, cameras in hand, to see their precious girl graduate college. I had a hard enough time keeping my eyes open without the papparazzi flashing lights in them. "Aren't you excited?!?" she kept asking me. Are we going skydiving? The Super Bowl? No. I could understand her enthusiasm, I just couldn't share it. I was too tired, too indifferent, and it was 8 in the morning. I don't even wake up that early for cartoons anymore. Congratulations, girlie; you've made your kinfolk proud. All I ask of you is that you maintain that enthusiasm regardless of what happens in your future. It's easy to be all bright and bubbly when things are going well, but if you end up serving some slob his coffee at a Waffle House that frown might mess up your gratuity.

Not much to report for Christmas and New Years. Graduation numbed me for all the following weeks' events. I think I had a birthday somewhere in there.

Its at this point that I realize comedy is a career. It's something that I, and countless others out there, take very seriously. Not many other people understand the merit of this profession, or if its even a profession at all. I started thinking of all the people I've seen on the road for whom comedy was some contingency plan, something they did because things just didn't work out. Then I thought of all the people who dreamed of doing this their whole lives and can't imagine their lives not getting onstage. The people who believe money is secondary to 'the love of the game.' I commend the people who've worked hard to get to their jobs, knew what they wanted to do, or are working to get there. You spend all this time in college (or wherever) thinking that some piece of paper tells everyone who you are and what you can do. That piece of paper is only supposed to remind you of your capabilities, and what you've learned about yourself along the way. I have learned a lot about myself these past years. I went to college to figure out what I want to do with my life, and now I know. I'm a comedian. I take this as seriously as any job people prepare for. College is done, so it's time to go to work. OH...and for those who don't agree with me or take issue with the things I'm saying: I have a degree, and in this country a degree lends validity to all your innane opinions. Thanks for all of your support.

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Philadelphia Eagles- I'm not a huge football fan, but I was pulling for you since day one. You have unrepentantly and repeatedly abused my faith in you. Hang your heads in shame.

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2004 has been pretty cool thus far. I spend a lot of time just sitting back and enjoying what's going on. I got to do another Anonymous Comics Showcase with the ever-growing base of Tallahassee comics and had a great time. This week, I've had the pleasure of working the Stardome in Birmingham, AL with two immensely cool people, Kristin Key and Marc Ryan. They both put on awesome shows and are the coolest people to hang around. On the 31st, however, I'll be in Tampa for Last Comic Standing auditions. I know I promised not to do it, but plans change. Besides, I have my own reasons for doing it. One of them is coming back with a good story to slap on this site. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

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I need to work more....I've got a lot more free time now. If you've got a way to get me some work, do me a favor: GET ME SOME WORK!!!! This is my job- this is what I do for a living. Don't be a taker all your life.

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I've been updating, so check out the new crap. I promise there will be more to come. If you've got some ideas, comments, or whatever, e-mail me. I'll always look at them, although your suggestions may brand you an idiot.

Happy New Year everyone. And gung hei fat choi as well. Later.

~Herbie

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MAIN UPDATE / 2004 / 2003

 

© Herbie Gill 2004. All rights reserved.