October 20, 2005- Tackling
MySpace
What
the hell is everyone on MySpace for? It seemed stupid- a million people everywhere
devoting time to some dumb profile pages, probably mostly high school kids,
attention-starved model types, and creepy guys hoping to hook up with either
one. I think just the fact that so many people use it made me avoid it. Still,
everyone seems to be jumping on this thing, including comedians. Tons of comedians
have gotten on this server to network more, gain more fans, and keep in touch
with their friends on the road. It's because of this, that I have decided to
become another sheep and get on MySpace myself.
I got to the signup page,
just trying to get something up there and answer all the sign up questions.
A lot of the normal stuff is there- hometown, interests, favorites. Then I run
into a question that asks "What type of friends would you like to meet?"
Well damn, I don't know. I've had a series of different types of friends in
my lifetime, each with their good and bad points. I guess the question is do
I want to find conversation, comeraderie, or am I just looking to have fun on
the weekends? Then they dig deeper. "How would you define your job classification
and education history?" Well, um, did I always think of becoming a comedian?
No. I mean, I had other jobs in mind, comedy just ended up being the most interesting.
Not that other things didn't interest me, I mean I did look into different things
in college. I was there for a long time, but I...I don't think I wasted my time
there, no no no. Okay, fine...maybe comedy isn't the most lucrative profession,
but it's what makes me happy! "Well, who are your heroes?" I don't
know...I mean, I guess there are a lot. None come to mind right now. No, I don't
think not being able to think of at least one hero says anything about my direction
in life! Damn, MySpace, stop grilling me!
I don't think anything on
a website has made me be so introspective just to sign up. Either way, after
getting through the interrogation, crying in the fetal position and joining
a group called "MySpace Destroyed My Sense of Self," I got on there.
I was happy to find that a lot of guys I know from the road are on there. Some
I haven't seen in a long time, some I see regularly. Seemed like every hour,
someone else I know was contacting me with a friendly "haven't seen you
in a while" or "how've you been." It amazed me how many people
actually came to MySpace at one point or another. Before I knew it, I was checking
it all the time, adding pictures, filling out more questions, and trying to
figure out more friends to add. I also noticed a lot of my friends are only
networking with hot women in bikinis. To each his own, I guess. They do have
a blogging thing there, which would probably be a lot easier to update than
this same page, but unitl I can figure out a good system, I'll just keep updating
both pages and fielding more suggestions. I'm going to make a MySpace button
somewhere on here because for now, that can count as a guestbook. So if you
see me on there, give me a shout and if you're on there, feel free to add me
as a friend. I'm sure we both know what it's like to have our reality deconstructed
signing up for MySpace. Enjoy and, as always, let me know what you think.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
October 15th, 2005- The
Moose Lodge
I
drive about 5 hours into a 6 hour drive. I'm in the middle of The Appalachian
Mountains....I think. At this point, I don't care what mountains they are. I'd
call and ask someone, but there's no cell phone signal out here. I'm supposed
to be playing a Moose Lodge in Pt. Pleasant, WV. Yes, I know you wish you were
me. It sounds like it may be a bit scary, and I might be just a little it out
of place, but such is the job. Pt. Pleasant is right on the border of West Virginia
and Ohio, so I figure, if anything goes wrong, I can always high-tail it to
the free states and be alright. Either way, tired or not, paranoid or not I
had a show to do.
When I pull up to the place,
I have a series of mixed thuoghts. The town is nice- small but nice. There are
the normal things: gas stations, grocery stores, antique shops and a McDonalds.
Still, a maze of side streets led me away from the "booming downtown scene"
all the way into the middle of some woods. The lodge was in a giant open area.
An hour before showtime, I thought about taking a couple pictures and calling
some people to let them know that I got there okay. Also because this could
be a place where I'm last seen. The lodge itself looks pretty nice. I look behind
me...nothing. NOTHING. How is this area so abandonned? It's well kept, its not
deserted, but nobody or nothing else is behind me. I'm expecting a bunch of
cars for a moose lodge show, but showtime is steadily approaching, and it looks
like I've driven 6 hours into the mountains to do a show by myself in West Virginia.
Such is the job.
I
go inside the place and immediately I see 6 headhsots of comics that played
there before me on the right. I know all 6, which both comforts me and creeps
me out at the same time. I walk in the main room, and it seems like a bar from
the 60's. A big round bar surrounded with leather and hightop chairs, jukeboxes
on all four corners, a cigarette machine, wierd things on the walls, and pictures
of old white men with fedoras. For a second, I thought maybe I drove off a mountain
and didn't know it, and purgatory was a moose lodge that looked like an old
60's bar. As time passes, I wait for whoever will shuffle in to the show. The
bartender, who couldn't have been more than 18, told me the show hasn't ben
on since the summer, and the crowd usually comes in close to showtime. Fast
forward to the start of the show- looks to be about 30 people. The good news-
they had a whole separate room with a dancefloor, stage, it looked amazing.
The bad news- there are only 30 people, so we won't be using the extremely well
lit stage, nor anything that might help a comedy show. We will be standing in
the middle of 7 round tables with a mic stand and a mic, and tell our jokes.
Such is the job.
The
show actually went very well. As per my policy, a good 30 will be better than
a bad 200 any day of the week. They were a bit chatty at parts, but why wouldn't
they be? We were in the middle of their dinner conversation, and we were about
2 feet away. We could have told jokes while serving their drinks. Everyone did
appreciate the show though, and I had a good time. Apparently everyone else
did too. One guy even gave me a nice tip, which is always good (and always encouraged).
The tip, coincidentally, charged me enough to take the 6 hour drive straight
back through the night. Maybe I was just so overwhelmed by the gesture, maybe
I wanted to get as far away as I could before he changed his mind, but either
way, I headed back through the mountains through the night with a wierd thought:
"I wouldn't mind doing another moose lodge." Strange story I admit,
but such is the job.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oct 1st, 2005- Audio,
bitches, audio.
I've FINALLY got something
that I can put on the media page. Thanks to Sonny Fox
and the good people at XM Radio I have some audio
clips up. The video clips are still in the works, but at least there is something up there I can be comfortable with.
I'm working on some new dates, a clip of me on a radio show, and some more features while trying to put stuff up
here that you will see soon! The best part is, now that I've put these clips
up, you have to believe me, no matter how long and how often I've abused your
trust. Either way, thanks for being patient. New update coming this week, guestbook will be done by 2010. I promise.
------------------------------------------------------------------
August 27th, 2005- Tidying
Up
Guess what? I just made
another update. Now, you can never complain to me again. Unless, of course,
I forget to do another one in a long time. Or you don't lik the changes. Or
you're just a complainer. Whatever. Here's what I've done: I've made the font
smaller in an attempt to make things neater, I've made archives links at the
bottom of each update page so you can visit past updates easier, I've changed
the pictures on the bio page (because even the woman that loves me says I looked
like a moron there---thanks for the support LC---) and new dates are up on the
calendar. So enjoy the cleaned up site. Or not, see if I care. Oh, by the way,
I am FRANTICALLY trying to get up some audio and video samples for the site.
If I don't make something that's up to my standards by next weekend, I'll just
throw anything up to make you happy. It may not be good quality and it might
be really sloppy, but it would have been your fault. Damn you pressuring me,
I'm not a machine.
L8r,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
July 22nd, 2005- Update
Your F@#$%&G WEBSITE!
Apparently a lot more people
come here than I thought. In the past month or so, I've been getting all types
of people yelling at me to update this thing. I've gotten everything- from the
"Hey, when are you going to put up a new story?" to "Update your
website you bitch." I thank all of you for your attention to detail. Now
shut up- it's updated. It's not that I haven't been meaning to. It's just that
I'm a procrastinator. Not just that, but I'm great at it. I mean I'm a really
really good procrastinator. If they had a procrastination contest, today, I
wouldn't show up until next week. That is how good I am. What the hell do you
want from me? I've been dealing with life's funny little pitfalls while working
the road to a frenzy, so it was tough to get back. Like you haven't had to put
of something for 7 months, don't judge me, you pricks.
What you all don't know
is that I try to save updating for when I have an interesting or funny story
to tell. I did have a lot of things happen in the past months, but I didn't
have many pictures to add. I know a lot of you who told me to update and, let's
be honest, most of you don't read. So I wait until I have pictures to give you
non-reading folk a visual aid. That's right, I'm helping you out. I'm sincerely
sorry for keeping you at bay...life happens. Thanks for visiting and for staying
on me, you will see the changes happen whenever I get around to them. Ha-ha.
Scottsboro-
I bet you forgot about good ol' Scottsboro AL, didn't you. Well don't worry,
the residents of Scottsboro seem to have forgotten too. Scottsboro defines itself
as a mountain town- located on the northeastern corner of Alabama, surrounded
by the borders of Georgia and Tennessee. For some reason, the people here are
hard to find- almost as if they're embarassed to be seen here. When I arrived
here, the sun was setting, I was running out of gas, and I had no cell phone
reception. None of this looks good, as I am sure you've guessed. In this little
sleepy town stood Dee's Comedy Cafe- a great comedy club so hidden, that the
citizens of Scottsboro took it for granted. I found out I would be performing
there on its last weekend. There wasn't even a show the first night due to lack
of an audience. So what did we do instead? What any self respecting group of
people would do in a situation like this- huddle up and play poker. We had just
enough to set up a small game of Texas Hold-Em', and we took that time to play
poker, talk trash and enjoy the numbered hours this club had left to live. Al
Katz, the closer in both the show and on the table, was a great teacher. Here's
what I've learned: after only playing poker twice, I found I have no concept
of risk and reward. I won't tell you how the games actually went but, had we
been playing for real money, I may have had to sell myself into slavery. That's
the last trend I want to catch on in these parts.
Saturday. the last show,
was a blast. The crowd was great and I could have imagined how the club was
run every time, and I think Scottsbor dropped the ball on this one. This is
the reason comedy is a dying art, people. If you can, go out and see some live
comedy. It's usually an enjoyable time and I hear comics like to tell jokes
with people present. A good club is gone, and maybe this will teach Scottsboro
to appreciate what it has while it's there. Who knows- maybe they'll even build
cell phone towers instead of deciding to section you off form the rest of the
world.
Special
note to Tennessee- You know, if cars ran by fireworks, you'd be the most
hospitable state in the country. Problem is, cars don't run on firewroks. So
until they do, it might not be a good idea to have more fireworks supercenters
than gas stations. Every five minutes I see a HUGE firewroks store, begging
me to purchase some legal explosives. You know what this tells me? You all need
stuff blown up reeeeeally bad in TN. The next time I'm driving through TN and
I'm sleepy, I'll just make sure to take an M-80 and just toss it around. Hey,
isn't TN where I got that bogus ticket? Hmm. Just a thought. All I'm saying
is if you're going to be a place that insists on irritating people, don't keep
pushing explosives at them. One might think that self-destructive.
I
get to see a lot of interesting things on the road. Nice sunrises and sunsets,
nature, architecture, motivated crackehads and talented bums. While stopping
at a gas station recently, I caught a guy filling up a Delorean. A DELOREAN.
These things are hard to come by, so I had to take a picture of it, as well
as ask him a bunch of questions. Apparently he got it pretty cheap and he likes
it. People ask about it all the time. Still, I wonder, does anyone else think
he's a lazy ass for NOT trying to turn it into a tiem machine? I mean really.
Get off the couch, crack open the quantum physics book and make sure your parents
hook up to conceive you. It seemed wierd to look at one of these things without
all the crazy timetravel crap in the back window. Maybe you should have studied
harder. No time travel movies were made about Jettas. Dare to dream.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2004
Archvies / 2003 Archives